The race was at it's usual place. Ssome 20 kms north of Istanbul, in the forest.

There was lots and lots and lots of mud. I was confident. Last race I completed 4 laps and I thought I could finish this one. I even dreamed of a podium finish! I was DELUSIONAL! I completed one lap and abandoned. Let me tell you something, I don't hate myself because of this. I did the right thing.

It snowed the week before, a lot. So the course was unbelievably muddy. 20 cm mud at some places f**ked the crap out of every component on the bike. There were occasional water-crossings so there wasn't the tiniest bit of grease left on the bike after 1,5 kms!

200 meters after the starting point, THE climb started. 2 kms of sheer pain. I walked about %75. It was gruesome. It made me ask myself why I do this. Sadly there wasn't a good answer to that question today. The race today made me question myself. Why I do this to myself? I want to be a surgeon, my competitors stayed home and studied anatomy today as I rode my bike in all the mud and filth of some forest. Aren't things related to thinking OVER things related to bodily exercises? What is the purpose of this stupidity?


I wanted to go back. I wanted to lie on my face in a puddle of mud. I wanted to kick my bike into the nearby lake. I wanted to beat myself with an iron stick for not training, not losing weight, not doing anything but blogging, hanging around cyclists forums and watch TV. Everything that I was unhappy with in my life came up. That hill opened my eyes.

I completed one lap. Around the worst 4km off-road course, EVER. At teh end of the lap I fell of the bike. I fell so hard that I had no time to use my hands to slow me down. I fell directly onto my torso. It hurt real bad and I heard a "Pfooof" sound. I lay there thinking: "Ok, Tayfur, you ruptured your diaphragm. You'll suffocate and die here. I don't want to die at a stupid MTB race." Then I was able to breathe again. It hurt but I could breathe. I finished the lap in agony. I started the second lap but returned from the bottom of that monster hill.

Now, I know somethings very well:

• I have very good friends. Thanks to Halil and Gürkan especially. they are WAY better racers than me and they support me in every possible way.
• I CAN be a cyclist. I'm not one yet but I can be. I'm lacking in lactate tolerance and aerobic capacity. These problems can be solved by losing 25 kilograms of that excess fat.
• I have a fairly good bike. I should give it some credit. The problem's mostly (like %60) at the rider not the bike.

These were the cycling related things I know well. I have some school related things to talk about too.

• I want to be a Hand Surgeon. This requires 15 years of study after med-school. to achieve my goal of becoming a good hand surgeon I have to leave everything aside and study. And I have to start no further than tomorrow! At least 2 hours of anatomy study plus 90 minutes of other subjects MAY SUFFICE.
• I like studying. This may sound weird because I study very little. This is not because I don't like to study but because I'm having trouble intiating the study sequence.
• I must study.

This became a cliché of mine and it's not a good thing but I'm starting dieting. Here's a list of what I can eat. Giving a list of dont's would be harder.

1. Raw vegetables.
2. Raw fruit.
3. Meat (low in fat and boiled or grilled)
4. Tuna (it's a good thing to eat, nutritious and low calories)
5. Milk, yoghurt, cheese

That's all. I must lose about 20 kilograms in 2,5-3 months. It's doable.I can be a good cyclist at the beginning of the season.
I can get that beautiful 90/100 at the Musculo-skeletal systems exam at 10th march.
I can be a better person.

But please let me rest now. It was a hard day.